Clean eating?

Last week, my sweet husband signed us up for an exciting evening of touring the local grocery store with our Chiropractor. As a modern woman who would love to be very healthy and, of course, look like my 25 year old self, I agreed to go and see if I could learn something new. (Disclaimer here - I've wanted to be healthy and look like my younger self for a while now. I've been reading avidly about this for YEARS!)
A few years ago, I read Wheatbelly and it changed my life! I gave up my gluten laden favorites and started feeling way better. Also, I am sure that I felt better because I dropped about 20 pounds in six months! At the end of that six months, sweet husband was told by his doctor that he needed to try to go vegan so I read some more books. I especially enjoyed It Starts with Food that my general practitioner recommended. The book suggested a lot of things that made sense and like Wheatbelly, I could really buy into the science of it all. Hubby, in his vegan quest, recommended Forks over Knives, which I read and tried to implement for him. Our food bill increased, I got frustrated fixing three separate meals most nights and some of our improvements were dismissed quickly, while others just eventually didn't happen any more.
Over the last few months, life around here has changed drastically. There are only three of us to eat at home together and we spent most of January and February eating out. I have been slack about eating gluten, Hubby has been making less than great decisions about his own food and Baby Girl keeps complaining that there is no food in the house. So, we have arrived at Thursday and our trip to the grocery store with Dr. Joe.
We met in front of the in store Starbucks and I was pretty happy that Dr. Joe didn't comment on my venti hot chocolate. The initial things we talked about where things that I was familiar with - stick to the perimeter, fresh not processed. Moving to the produce section, I was pleased to already know some things, but it was great to learn about different lettuces. It's one thing to read, "Eat darker, more colorful greens." It's way more helpful to learn what the different things taste like, how to prepare them, what you can use them to replace and how to select these "weird" veggies! As we headed to the "Organic/Special Diet/Pricey" section, I had already created a great list of things that we could easily add to our menus!
In the "Health Foods" section, as Kroger calls it, we discussed milk, yogurt, butter and kombucha. I liked learning about different benefits of all the types of milk, but I decided that I'm sticking with my Mayfield. I just won't mention that to Dr. Joe. There was a group of us shopping together. The other women were not as well read as I am about this healthy eating, but they both knew and loved this drink that Dr. Joe was praising. I've heard of kombucha, but only in jokes or comments making fun of foo-foo people. Hubby and I were very willing to try this beverage that everyone was raving about so we picked two bottles from the flavors that were suggested.
The group cruised the perimeter of the store for almost two hours. There were lots of little lessons that Hubby and I took away from the trip. Turns out, we are eating the "good cheeses" more than we're eating the not so good ones, most of the processed stuff that we eat is stuff that we won't miss too much, and most importantly just because it's not "good" doesn't mean it's "BAD"! This is really good because I'm pretty sure I won't be giving up Coke and Chocolate and Hubby won't be cutting out his Diet Dr. Pepper or tuna sandwiches!
After we finished, we were happy with the things we had learned and had some conversation about which changes we'd be implementing first. Since we are both such fans of our carbonated beverages, we decided to share our kombucha drink to start down the path of healthier hydration. Kombucha is disgusting! The stuff we bought had chia seeds in it. The liquid tasted like sweetened vinegar with tadpoles in it. (No, I do not actually know what tadpoles taste like, but I have a GREAT imagination!)
My personal take away from the night was kind of like I had read another fantastic book. I know more than I did. I absolutely know what I need to do to feel better, lose weight and be healthier. I also know what changes I can make initially! I hit the grocery store this weekend and made sure that the fridge is stocked with high quality meat, healthy veggies and no more processed foods. We did NOT purchase any tadpole juice! Maybe some day we will decide that we can try a different flavor. In the meantime, I am going to be making changes for the entire family. Hopefully, we'll start feeling and looking better really fast.

Am I Really Whining About This?

On the way to work this morning, I was cursing the obnoxious noise my windshield wipers make. "This is so aggravating. God, I need new ones, again! Just one more thing on the list..."
As I turned up the radio to drown out that annoyance, I became frustrated at the music that was playing on my favorite stations. None of them had anything playing that I wanted to hear.
I pulled into the Starbucks line to use up some gift cards I had gotten from students last year. The gift cards were crowding my tiny purse so they needed to go! Of course the lady at Starbucks had to inform me that they were out of my first choice of breakfast - no protein boxes! And my second choice - seriously, no chocolate croissants? It seemed to be yet another sign that this was just an awful day.
Practically frothing at this point, I was getting really angry and upset. I decided to actually write the list of things I need as soon as I got to work so that I could make a plan to correct this horrible injustice.
As I stared at my clean sheet of cute stationery that I had labeled, "$&!+ List" it hit me. I got a little teary as I thought of what I needed to write and it practically smacked me in the face. I truly have nothing to go on the list. Nothing, nada, zip.
My life is certainly not perfect, but it is really, really good. My husband and I love each other. My kids are healthy, smart, young ladies who are finally starting to really discover themselves. I have everything that I need to survive and thrive. Apparently, I woke up on the very wrong side of the bed this morning and was ready and willing to head down the bitter path of anger and frustration.
I know we all have those mornings. Sometimes we all get a good distance down that path, but it's not where I like to be. I didn't need a "wake up" call to turn myself around but there are days that I do. I need to figure out how to build a gate on that path so I don't even get started on it. Because, believe me, it is very easy to start down it and there are crazy amounts of damage that can be done once I'm too far along.

Friendship - a hard lesson to teach

Recently, I've spent a lot of time thinking about friends. This is something I have to teach my children about and there is not a convenient handbook!  It's hard to tell them all that they need to know, so I've tried to share my knowledge by example. 

There are some friends that I talk to everyday, who help me stay grounded and focused. Some of these friendships are deep, meaningful and incredibly important. These friends know me and what's going on in my life, almost on a molecular level. Others are developing - they aren't deep yet, but we're learning about each other. Some of them will likely last for a long time. Realistically though there are some that may not make it through the test of time. I value loyalty and positive energy a great deal and some of my new friends do not. 

There are other friends that I talk to every few weeks. We wish we could talk more often, but the reality of our lives keeps us from having that connection. However, no matter if it's been a month or six weeks, we just pick up like we last talked yesterday. These people are some of my oldest friends. I know them, they know me and our friendships just "are". We don't have to work on them, we just have to check in occasionally to remind us that we love each other.
I don't select my friends based on shallow things. I have fat friends, skinny friends, friends who are rich, poor, gay, straight, male and female. Some of them are college educated, some are not. Most of them are pretty intelligent but that's just because I'd rather hang out with folks who are smart in one manner or another. You might not meet one of these people and claim, "Wow, that chick is brilliant." but the brilliance is there. Maybe they are brilliantly kind, or artistic or just really crazy smart. The point is I have found their brilliance and they have found mine. Through our friendship, I hope that I am nourishing them and they are nourishing me.
I married my best friend. No matter what, he's the one I want to discuss all the details of my life with.  My girls see this and they know I share everything with their dad. I love my mother, she's my other best friend. I share a lot with her and I get her opinion on a lot of things.
These are the positive lessons I can show my children. Even though they don't always see them, they know about them. They don't know that I cry with frustration to a friend many mornings before I go to work. They don't hear the brilliant advice my mom gives me when I contact her with a parenting question. They didn't get to see how hard my girl friends worked to get me through the worst depressive episode of my life, but they are both old enough now to understand and be appreciative.
But, they have seen my friends in action, and that speaks so loudly to them! When my baby had a ferocious panic attack at school, a great friend scooped her up and got her to a calm, safe spot. Now that I'm working, my friends take turns getting the girls picked up and delivered to me so I can get them to doctors appointments and other important places. The fashion plate needed adjustments to a dress. My friend picked up the dress and added straps between her work shifts so babygirl could be ready for her party. I could keep this list going for pages.
My friends have demonstrated that friends help and support one another. And when my girls have gotten into spots where their friends don't support and nurture them, they know it's not okay because I not only tell them, I demonstrate it! When someone doesn't call for six months, doesn't acknowledge me for six months, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. But when I reach out to them and they still don't reach back, I am done. It's not something I do lightly. I have worked long and hard to have my friends and I love them. I don't think you just "dump" the people you love and I've said that to my girls, over and over.
Sometimes the ties do have to be cut. It is, without a doubt, painful and sad, but I come away stronger and healthier in the long run. And that is a lesson I want my girls to learn.

Heading to Healthy

In Mid-January, I realized that I had a sinus infection. I planned to get to the doctor on a Saturday, but the closest Saturday was crazy busy. Then I planned to go after work, but I had to get kids to different places, and fulfill lots of personal obligations so I didn't get there that week. Then we had snow and work got a little crazy, and I thought maybe I was feeling a little better. By the beginning of February, we had Mom's birthday party keeping us on the run. Then I decided that the awesome sinus medication I was taking at night was really helping me, so I started the "daytime" version too and tried to convince myself I was getting better. Next thing you know, we were snowed in for a week. There was no way I was going to fight the crowd at the doctor's office after that week.  I knew too many people were heading there with "real" germs and I didn't want to get any sicker.
Of course, while I was fighting the growing sinus infection, it was time to acknowledge that I needed to talk to someone about the fact that I was having trouble sleeping and I might be overly anxious about everything! Last week, I saw a doctor for that. She put me on something that started working fast. Once I started feeling better mentally, it hit me. I can't function with a sinus infection and the ear infection that comes along with it. Off I went to the clinic because the doctor's office told me that they couldn't see me until Monday. I knew that even though I had postponed getting help for over a month, I couldn't put it off any longer. The guy at the clinic remembered me from last fall. He was shocked that I had not only worked all week, I'd also just finished teaching Saturday school. He said I had no movement in my poor ear drums because of the fluid build up. Super huge sinus infection, lots of pressure and inflammation, double ear infection, head aches and low grade fever earned me two different antibiotics and steroids.
I really want to say I'm all better now. But, I have learned that steroids don't help you sleep! In fact, it's been about five years since I slept this poorly. (Yes, I keep track) But I know that I'll be better soon. Why is it that we forget that it's okay to be healthy, mentally and physically?
Very weird.

Snow Days - ugh

On Tuesday morning, I woke up and thought of a lot of things that I should do since I had an extra day off. I made a mental list of these things. Then, I got really frisky and I actually wrote down a list of tasks that needed to be completed. I started on the list by putting in a load of laundry and cleaning the kitchen. Then, the girls needed me to pick up some friends and we needed to go to the grocery store, so I got distracted from my list for a while. I sorted some school work into stacks, but I decided to postpone grading until I had finished the baking. While doing the baking, I decided to clear off the dining room table, which led me to flipping the laundry, which led me to taking out the trash. Not stuff from my to-do list!
After our police officer visit and our unexpected guest, I was pretty much derailed, but I figured I'd work on the list today. I found so many other things to do instead. The good news is I can try the to-do list again tomorrow. But, reality - not going to happen. I think I'm changing it to just waking up tomorrow. That way I can certainly complete some stuff.

Parenting, and how I don't suck at it as much as I sometimes think I do...

Monday night, I came home from work feeling very much like a "bad mom". One of my girls had a really bad day and I had to be at work. I couldn't help her. I couldn't drop my work and rush home and hold her in my arms like I wanted to do. The husband assured me that he had everything under control. He handled a couple of things that I think of as "my jobs" before I could ever get home.
Luckily, I married the guy who knows me best. He gave me time to hug my girls and make sure they were "truly" okay, then he loaded me off on a surprise date. We had a chance to talk about our kids, our jobs and our lives while we shopped, had dinner and rode around on a forklift. I came home feeling much better about my mom duties, but I was still stressing about balancing my girls with my job. Driving home, we got the tweet that our schools were closed on Tuesday.
Tuesday morning, the girls were up bright and early begging to get together with their friends. Even though we had about four inches of snow, I agreed to crank up the 4 wheel drive and go pick everyone up to hang out at our house. We picked up the first friend and headed to the grocery store where we loaded up with extra food and snacks. On the way home, we picked up a second friend. Arriving back at the house, the kids helped unload the groceries and the giggles started! They laughed and played (yes, teenagers playing) all afternoon. Occasionally they would head outside and throw some snow at each other, then they were back inside drinking hot chocolate and eating the snacks they'd picked. After several hours, parents had requested that they head home so they could avoid being iced in at our house. I was preparing to take the kids home, when daughter one handed me her phone and said, "Friend's mom needs to talk to you."
Expecting something like, "I'm stuck at work" or "Can child stay longer?" I took the call. The mother asked if I was indeed Daughter's mom and then asked if her child was at my house. I told her yes, I had picked him up just before lunch. She then said to me that her son was in quite a bit of trouble, so he was grounded and wasn't supposed to leave the house. (Seriously, the ONE time I don't verify a playdate with the parents!) I started to apologize, but she kept talking. She asked me to please keep her kid at my house until the cops could get there to arrest him for being "an unruly child". I was mortified and appalled, but I agreed to keep the kid at my place while we waited for the police. The poor kid was very upset. He acknowledged that he knew he wasn't supposed to go anywhere, but he had called Mom to let her know he was on the way home. We fed him, because he was scared they wouldn't feed him in "Juvie". I apologized for having to wait with him and told him that he's always welcome at our house. Sure enough, the police arrived after a little while. I was questioned about why, when and where I'd picked the kid up. I was cautioned to always speak with the parents before bringing a kid over to hang out, in case they were grounded or not allowed to be with my kid. My ID and information were taken and noted. While I was speaking to OfficerH about picking up the kid, the other guy, OfficerL decided to pick at the boy they'd come to get. He started with, "Why are you just sitting there eating and laughing? Don't you realize you're in trouble?" I almost came unglued. I was worried that the officers would think I was nuts, but I had to speak up. "I fed him! He's a little nervous and embarrassed by this whole thing. Remember, he's just 14!" OfficerL bowed up like he was going to say some more, but OfficerH interrupted and defused the situation by asking my girl if she knew her friend was in trouble. She replied that she did now, but not this morning when we picked him up. It was tense and uncomfortable. It wasn't clear whether the daughter and I were in trouble, or if it was just her friend. Hearing from the officer that the kid's mother was the one pushing for him to be carted away in handcuffs and a police car, was beyond distressing! My girls aren't always well behaved. They certainly break my rules on a regular basis, but the cops are our last resort! My sweet daughter cried after her friend was escorted out of our house and into the police cruiser.
A bit later, we left the house to take the remaining friend home. On the way to drop the friend off, we passed an acquaintance of my girls walking on the sidewalk. The girls in the car started talking about him and the fact that his parents had kicked him out of their house that morning. Their conversation went on about how he had been checking with everyone and had not had any luck finding a place. I didn't think much about it, until we passed him again, walking through the misty rain, on our way back to our toasty warm house. I had to pull over and ask if he had a place to stay for the night. He shook his head sadly and told us, "No, I'm just..." Daughter didn't let him finish, she told him to get into the car. We brought him home, where he gratefully warmed up. Hubby and I enjoyed chatting with him. He ate dinner, laughed with my girls and was truly gracious about being with us.
I have no idea about the extent of what he did that made his parents tell him he couldn't live in their home anymore. However, I believe that it's almost evil to tell anyone they have to leave when the President has declared your location to be in a FEDERAL STATE OF EMERGENCY because of the weather! What kind of person does this? What kind of parent does this? We're not talking about a kid who is strung out on drugs or blatantly disrespectful. (I get that the kid is probably really different with his parents, but still.)
Needless to say, I started the week feeling like a crappy mom. After dealing with these other kids, I'm feeling a little better about my parenting skills. Not saying that I'm good because these others are bad, just saying that maybe I make better parenting choices most of the time than I think I do.

Depression and Stress

You know, it doesn't matter if it's happy stress, like a birthday party or Christmas, or if it's less happy stress, like looming deadlines and test data. Stress causes people, like me, with certain types of depression disorders to have some trouble. It's not just, "Oh, I'm a little sad." A little sad means you can have a good cry and you'll start feeling better when the sun comes out. It's not, "I wish I could get a little more sleep to better deal with this situation." I'm pretty sure I could sleep for days and things wouldn't get any better, or any worse for that matter.
I can tell my temper is a little shorter, I'm a little more sensitive in general about most things and way more sensitive about other things, not predictable things, but they are there.
It's not fun when I feel like this. In fact, it sucks. I can't talk to anyone about it. While my friends want to be supportive, there isn't anything they can do to make me feel better. My family is a mixed bag. They aren't aware, don't get it or just don't have time for it. I understand that.
It will get better. I will feel better. It just will take time. I don't like waiting.