In Mid-January, I realized that I had a sinus infection. I planned to get to the doctor on a Saturday, but the closest Saturday was crazy busy. Then I planned to go after work, but I had to get kids to different places, and fulfill lots of personal obligations so I didn't get there that week. Then we had snow and work got a little crazy, and I thought maybe I was feeling a little better. By the beginning of February, we had Mom's birthday party keeping us on the run. Then I decided that the awesome sinus medication I was taking at night was really helping me, so I started the "daytime" version too and tried to convince myself I was getting better. Next thing you know, we were snowed in for a week. There was no way I was going to fight the crowd at the doctor's office after that week. I knew too many people were heading there with "real" germs and I didn't want to get any sicker.
Of course, while I was fighting the growing sinus infection, it was time to acknowledge that I needed to talk to someone about the fact that I was having trouble sleeping and I might be overly anxious about everything! Last week, I saw a doctor for that. She put me on something that started working fast. Once I started feeling better mentally, it hit me. I can't function with a sinus infection and the ear infection that comes along with it. Off I went to the clinic because the doctor's office told me that they couldn't see me until Monday. I knew that even though I had postponed getting help for over a month, I couldn't put it off any longer. The guy at the clinic remembered me from last fall. He was shocked that I had not only worked all week, I'd also just finished teaching Saturday school. He said I had no movement in my poor ear drums because of the fluid build up. Super huge sinus infection, lots of pressure and inflammation, double ear infection, head aches and low grade fever earned me two different antibiotics and steroids.
I really want to say I'm all better now. But, I have learned that steroids don't help you sleep! In fact, it's been about five years since I slept this poorly. (Yes, I keep track) But I know that I'll be better soon. Why is it that we forget that it's okay to be healthy, mentally and physically?
Very weird.
Monday, February 24, 2014
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Snow Days - ugh
On Tuesday morning, I woke up and thought of a lot of things that I should do since I had an extra day off. I made a mental list of these things. Then, I got really frisky and I actually wrote down a list of tasks that needed to be completed. I started on the list by putting in a load of laundry and cleaning the kitchen. Then, the girls needed me to pick up some friends and we needed to go to the grocery store, so I got distracted from my list for a while. I sorted some school work into stacks, but I decided to postpone grading until I had finished the baking. While doing the baking, I decided to clear off the dining room table, which led me to flipping the laundry, which led me to taking out the trash. Not stuff from my to-do list!
After our police officer visit and our unexpected guest, I was pretty much derailed, but I figured I'd work on the list today. I found so many other things to do instead. The good news is I can try the to-do list again tomorrow. But, reality - not going to happen. I think I'm changing it to just waking up tomorrow. That way I can certainly complete some stuff.
After our police officer visit and our unexpected guest, I was pretty much derailed, but I figured I'd work on the list today. I found so many other things to do instead. The good news is I can try the to-do list again tomorrow. But, reality - not going to happen. I think I'm changing it to just waking up tomorrow. That way I can certainly complete some stuff.
Parenting, and how I don't suck at it as much as I sometimes think I do...
Monday night, I came home from work feeling very much like a "bad mom". One of my girls had a really bad day and I had to be at work. I couldn't help her. I couldn't drop my work and rush home and hold her in my arms like I wanted to do. The husband assured me that he had everything under control. He handled a couple of things that I think of as "my jobs" before I could ever get home.
Luckily, I married the guy who knows me best. He gave me time to hug my girls and make sure they were "truly" okay, then he loaded me off on a surprise date. We had a chance to talk about our kids, our jobs and our lives while we shopped, had dinner and rode around on a forklift. I came home feeling much better about my mom duties, but I was still stressing about balancing my girls with my job. Driving home, we got the tweet that our schools were closed on Tuesday.
Tuesday morning, the girls were up bright and early begging to get together with their friends. Even though we had about four inches of snow, I agreed to crank up the 4 wheel drive and go pick everyone up to hang out at our house. We picked up the first friend and headed to the grocery store where we loaded up with extra food and snacks. On the way home, we picked up a second friend. Arriving back at the house, the kids helped unload the groceries and the giggles started! They laughed and played (yes, teenagers playing) all afternoon. Occasionally they would head outside and throw some snow at each other, then they were back inside drinking hot chocolate and eating the snacks they'd picked. After several hours, parents had requested that they head home so they could avoid being iced in at our house. I was preparing to take the kids home, when daughter one handed me her phone and said, "Friend's mom needs to talk to you."
Expecting something like, "I'm stuck at work" or "Can child stay longer?" I took the call. The mother asked if I was indeed Daughter's mom and then asked if her child was at my house. I told her yes, I had picked him up just before lunch. She then said to me that her son was in quite a bit of trouble, so he was grounded and wasn't supposed to leave the house. (Seriously, the ONE time I don't verify a playdate with the parents!) I started to apologize, but she kept talking. She asked me to please keep her kid at my house until the cops could get there to arrest him for being "an unruly child". I was mortified and appalled, but I agreed to keep the kid at my place while we waited for the police. The poor kid was very upset. He acknowledged that he knew he wasn't supposed to go anywhere, but he had called Mom to let her know he was on the way home. We fed him, because he was scared they wouldn't feed him in "Juvie". I apologized for having to wait with him and told him that he's always welcome at our house. Sure enough, the police arrived after a little while. I was questioned about why, when and where I'd picked the kid up. I was cautioned to always speak with the parents before bringing a kid over to hang out, in case they were grounded or not allowed to be with my kid. My ID and information were taken and noted. While I was speaking to OfficerH about picking up the kid, the other guy, OfficerL decided to pick at the boy they'd come to get. He started with, "Why are you just sitting there eating and laughing? Don't you realize you're in trouble?" I almost came unglued. I was worried that the officers would think I was nuts, but I had to speak up. "I fed him! He's a little nervous and embarrassed by this whole thing. Remember, he's just 14!" OfficerL bowed up like he was going to say some more, but OfficerH interrupted and defused the situation by asking my girl if she knew her friend was in trouble. She replied that she did now, but not this morning when we picked him up. It was tense and uncomfortable. It wasn't clear whether the daughter and I were in trouble, or if it was just her friend. Hearing from the officer that the kid's mother was the one pushing for him to be carted away in handcuffs and a police car, was beyond distressing! My girls aren't always well behaved. They certainly break my rules on a regular basis, but the cops are our last resort! My sweet daughter cried after her friend was escorted out of our house and into the police cruiser.
A bit later, we left the house to take the remaining friend home. On the way to drop the friend off, we passed an acquaintance of my girls walking on the sidewalk. The girls in the car started talking about him and the fact that his parents had kicked him out of their house that morning. Their conversation went on about how he had been checking with everyone and had not had any luck finding a place. I didn't think much about it, until we passed him again, walking through the misty rain, on our way back to our toasty warm house. I had to pull over and ask if he had a place to stay for the night. He shook his head sadly and told us, "No, I'm just..." Daughter didn't let him finish, she told him to get into the car. We brought him home, where he gratefully warmed up. Hubby and I enjoyed chatting with him. He ate dinner, laughed with my girls and was truly gracious about being with us.
I have no idea about the extent of what he did that made his parents tell him he couldn't live in their home anymore. However, I believe that it's almost evil to tell anyone they have to leave when the President has declared your location to be in a FEDERAL STATE OF EMERGENCY because of the weather! What kind of person does this? What kind of parent does this? We're not talking about a kid who is strung out on drugs or blatantly disrespectful. (I get that the kid is probably really different with his parents, but still.)
Needless to say, I started the week feeling like a crappy mom. After dealing with these other kids, I'm feeling a little better about my parenting skills. Not saying that I'm good because these others are bad, just saying that maybe I make better parenting choices most of the time than I think I do.
Luckily, I married the guy who knows me best. He gave me time to hug my girls and make sure they were "truly" okay, then he loaded me off on a surprise date. We had a chance to talk about our kids, our jobs and our lives while we shopped, had dinner and rode around on a forklift. I came home feeling much better about my mom duties, but I was still stressing about balancing my girls with my job. Driving home, we got the tweet that our schools were closed on Tuesday.
Tuesday morning, the girls were up bright and early begging to get together with their friends. Even though we had about four inches of snow, I agreed to crank up the 4 wheel drive and go pick everyone up to hang out at our house. We picked up the first friend and headed to the grocery store where we loaded up with extra food and snacks. On the way home, we picked up a second friend. Arriving back at the house, the kids helped unload the groceries and the giggles started! They laughed and played (yes, teenagers playing) all afternoon. Occasionally they would head outside and throw some snow at each other, then they were back inside drinking hot chocolate and eating the snacks they'd picked. After several hours, parents had requested that they head home so they could avoid being iced in at our house. I was preparing to take the kids home, when daughter one handed me her phone and said, "Friend's mom needs to talk to you."
Expecting something like, "I'm stuck at work" or "Can child stay longer?" I took the call. The mother asked if I was indeed Daughter's mom and then asked if her child was at my house. I told her yes, I had picked him up just before lunch. She then said to me that her son was in quite a bit of trouble, so he was grounded and wasn't supposed to leave the house. (Seriously, the ONE time I don't verify a playdate with the parents!) I started to apologize, but she kept talking. She asked me to please keep her kid at my house until the cops could get there to arrest him for being "an unruly child". I was mortified and appalled, but I agreed to keep the kid at my place while we waited for the police. The poor kid was very upset. He acknowledged that he knew he wasn't supposed to go anywhere, but he had called Mom to let her know he was on the way home. We fed him, because he was scared they wouldn't feed him in "Juvie". I apologized for having to wait with him and told him that he's always welcome at our house. Sure enough, the police arrived after a little while. I was questioned about why, when and where I'd picked the kid up. I was cautioned to always speak with the parents before bringing a kid over to hang out, in case they were grounded or not allowed to be with my kid. My ID and information were taken and noted. While I was speaking to OfficerH about picking up the kid, the other guy, OfficerL decided to pick at the boy they'd come to get. He started with, "Why are you just sitting there eating and laughing? Don't you realize you're in trouble?" I almost came unglued. I was worried that the officers would think I was nuts, but I had to speak up. "I fed him! He's a little nervous and embarrassed by this whole thing. Remember, he's just 14!" OfficerL bowed up like he was going to say some more, but OfficerH interrupted and defused the situation by asking my girl if she knew her friend was in trouble. She replied that she did now, but not this morning when we picked him up. It was tense and uncomfortable. It wasn't clear whether the daughter and I were in trouble, or if it was just her friend. Hearing from the officer that the kid's mother was the one pushing for him to be carted away in handcuffs and a police car, was beyond distressing! My girls aren't always well behaved. They certainly break my rules on a regular basis, but the cops are our last resort! My sweet daughter cried after her friend was escorted out of our house and into the police cruiser.
A bit later, we left the house to take the remaining friend home. On the way to drop the friend off, we passed an acquaintance of my girls walking on the sidewalk. The girls in the car started talking about him and the fact that his parents had kicked him out of their house that morning. Their conversation went on about how he had been checking with everyone and had not had any luck finding a place. I didn't think much about it, until we passed him again, walking through the misty rain, on our way back to our toasty warm house. I had to pull over and ask if he had a place to stay for the night. He shook his head sadly and told us, "No, I'm just..." Daughter didn't let him finish, she told him to get into the car. We brought him home, where he gratefully warmed up. Hubby and I enjoyed chatting with him. He ate dinner, laughed with my girls and was truly gracious about being with us.
I have no idea about the extent of what he did that made his parents tell him he couldn't live in their home anymore. However, I believe that it's almost evil to tell anyone they have to leave when the President has declared your location to be in a FEDERAL STATE OF EMERGENCY because of the weather! What kind of person does this? What kind of parent does this? We're not talking about a kid who is strung out on drugs or blatantly disrespectful. (I get that the kid is probably really different with his parents, but still.)
Needless to say, I started the week feeling like a crappy mom. After dealing with these other kids, I'm feeling a little better about my parenting skills. Not saying that I'm good because these others are bad, just saying that maybe I make better parenting choices most of the time than I think I do.
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Depression and Stress
You know, it doesn't matter if it's happy stress, like a birthday party or Christmas, or if it's less happy stress, like looming deadlines and test data. Stress causes people, like me, with certain types of depression disorders to have some trouble. It's not just, "Oh, I'm a little sad." A little sad means you can have a good cry and you'll start feeling better when the sun comes out. It's not, "I wish I could get a little more sleep to better deal with this situation." I'm pretty sure I could sleep for days and things wouldn't get any better, or any worse for that matter.
I can tell my temper is a little shorter, I'm a little more sensitive in general about most things and way more sensitive about other things, not predictable things, but they are there.
It's not fun when I feel like this. In fact, it sucks. I can't talk to anyone about it. While my friends want to be supportive, there isn't anything they can do to make me feel better. My family is a mixed bag. They aren't aware, don't get it or just don't have time for it. I understand that.
It will get better. I will feel better. It just will take time. I don't like waiting.
I can tell my temper is a little shorter, I'm a little more sensitive in general about most things and way more sensitive about other things, not predictable things, but they are there.
It's not fun when I feel like this. In fact, it sucks. I can't talk to anyone about it. While my friends want to be supportive, there isn't anything they can do to make me feel better. My family is a mixed bag. They aren't aware, don't get it or just don't have time for it. I understand that.
It will get better. I will feel better. It just will take time. I don't like waiting.
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