Party on Wayne

It has been cold this week. As mentioned earlier, we've had to have the dogs inside and that just makes it hard to keep the house clean. So, today was a mad scramble to get the house cleaned up, to MY standards since Baby Girl was having her birthday party. The annoyance I felt with the whole process is fodder for another blog entry, suffice it to say, someone was annoyed and someones are going to be in for a shock! After dealing with the aggravation of cleaning the house, we had to go pick up vehicles from oil changes and run the party errands. In the past, we've had to invite Kim Possible over, sludge through snow to pick up Hogwarts and pray that McGonegal and Trelawny made it out of the mountains, and create a cake that featured Spot the Dog. I really wasn't sure what to expect this afternoon, but I was prepared for anything. 

My sweet hubby joined us at Hobby Lobby, as unsure of the festivities as I was.  Baby Girl grinned and told us she needed some henna tattoo kits. On the way to the henna, she spotted "Silly String". We NEEDED two cans of each color, so into the basket they went. We collected zebra striped plates (pronounced like we're British) and matching napkins. Hubby and I looked at Baby Girl and at each other. She declared that everything else we needed would be found at the grocery store. We did the secret parent high five over a $50 birthday party compared to many in the past and headed to the cars. 

Big sister had been invited to a friend's house. Normally, we insist that she be around, but in the interest of no tension, we allowed her to head out. Baby Girl picked her cake, chose some chips and drinks and decided we were finished. I grabbed some ice cream, despite her protests and we headed home to order the pizzas. 

After years of extravagant, well attended parties, Baby Girl decided that this year was going to be super low-key. She had a few close friends who showed up at 6:00. The giggles began about 6:10! 

Anyone who looked at the list of activities would probably guess we were entertaining 9 year olds, not teenagers. There was more play at this party than I've seen in a long time. The crew laughed at the cartoons they pulled up on the television. They added laser canons to the Silly String battle and cackled through all 10 cans of Silly String. Elaborate henna tattoos were done on hands and arms of every guest, male and female. Sprite and Mr. Pibb were consumed in fancy plastic wine glasses which caused more giggles. They took sparklers into the front yard and took as they chased each other with them.

I have always loved hearing my children laugh. As they get older, their laughter gets more cautious. Tonight was a very special treat, for me. And I think the birthday girl enjoyed herself too!

oops - hit save not publish. Saturday, January 25.

Cold outside, Puppies Inside

Five years ago I asked for a "purse dog" to keep me company in the house and while I was driving around doing "mom things"! The girls and I shopped and shopped for this pup. We went to pet stores, adoption centers, humane societies, shelters and any other place that was rumored to have baby dogs. Finally, on a beautiful Sunday at the local PetCo, Baby Girl and I found him. He was adorable. His whole body was just a little bigger than my hands. His head was soft and smelled like puppy. We called Hubby and Sweet Girl to come check him out. Hubby held a little black paw in his hand and asked the Foster dad, "How big do you think he'll get?" Foster said (straightfaced) "No more than 20 pounds." Hubby said, "Sure!" The girls and I were oblivious to his wicked grin as we loved on our new baby.
We had a family meeting to choose a name, Joe. We (the girls and I) shopped carefully for a very great collar and leash set. Pup got a new crate. Outfits were purchased. Everywhere that I went, Joe went too. If it rained, Joe wore his rain coat and little yellow boots. If it was cold, he wore his red sweater. He wore his navy blue blazer with brass buttons when we went to the funeral for my beloved Great Aunt. He sat quietly in the car during the funeral. I knew it would be very confusing to a puppy to see lots of green grass and be unable to play!
The first months raced by and we noticed that Joe was outgrowing his awesome wardrobe. His seat belt wasn't big enough anymore. His collar had no more holes to move the hook into. The vet, who had agreed with the Foster, was surprised that Joe weighed 30 pounds. He was really shocked a little bit later when Joe weighed 45 pounds. By the time Christmas rolled around, Joe didn't have a wardrobe anymore. He had a pretty, extra large, purple collar and a matching leash. His seat belt was the largest that PetCo sold. When he visited the vet, he weighed in at 86.4 pounds!
He finally realized that he was bigger than our other dog, Wymberly, and decided that he wanted to stay outside with her more often than he wanted to stay inside, or go off, with me. I was pretty sad. There went my purse dog... Or so I thought!
When Joe comes inside, he likes to sit in the chair with me. Not on the couch that is designed to hold multiple people, but in the single adult size chair. He also likes to snuggle up close and share my pillow. His very favorite spot is curled up in my lap, all 85+ pounds of him.
The temperatures have dropped below freezing again, so I guess I get to enjoy another night of snuggling with my sweet purse puppy. Since my girls don't like snuggling, I will appreciate my pup who does!

Lazy days Yummy dinners

This morning, I eventually decided to get out of my cozy bed and face the day. Yesterday was pretty awesome, so today had much to live up to in the books. The oldest was already downstairs, so I made my coffee and sat down in the family room with her. I tried to start the conversation a couple of times, but noticed that all my questions got in reply were gentle, delicate snores. I decided this was a perfect opportunity to plan some menus for the week and do some housework. Then, I changed my mind.

I downloaded some books that I've been meaning to read. I caught up on some blogs. I fixed myself a very yummy breakfast. A couple of times, I caught myself thinking about checking my work e-mail or doing some major job around the house. Instead, I concentrated on relaxing. I thought it was the right thing to do. On Friday morning, I heard something on NPR about relaxing. During my students' quiz, an article popped into my inbox about breathing techniques for stress relief. When I was catching up on the blogs I follow, no less than five of them were about mindfulness or stress reduction. Sometimes you get a subtle hint, other times you get smacked upside the head with a crow bar! I can take the hint.

Stress sneaks up on you. And it's not always as easy to shake as taking a hot shower or snuggling with your puppy. It takes some effort. So I started fixing it today. I did things that give me pleasure. I stood up for myself when it was time to be strong. And the plans I made for the week are going to help me be much more relaxed by this time next week!

Time with Treasures

Weeks ago, a friend from my first high school invited me to a birthday party. It was to be a white elephant party on a Saturday afternoon. I thought about whether I should attend, after all I was going to have to drive all the way back to my old neighborhood. After much contemplation, I put in my RSVP that I would be there. As party time got closer, I got pretty excited about seeing my old house, the area where I grew up and catching up with my old pal. Earlier this week, I decided to take my oldest with me to the party so she could share my trip down memory lane.
This morning, I got up and noticed that my hair looked totally incredible. I took it as a sign! You know, when you get together with people who knew you in your prime, you want to look good. I probably changed clothes 10 times, but finally felt like I looked as cute as possible. And my hair - it looked just wonderful!  I wrapped my white elephant gift and the package looked beautiful! Even if the gift was weird, it looked great. Finally ready, I announced to the oldest that she was coming with me, expecting push back. She said, "wonderful, can I drive?"
We hopped into the Pearl and headed off to the other side of the city.  Listening to her music, we talked about why she liked specific songs. We discussed Kyle leaving Breathe Carolina and that it's probably because David Schmitt is such a tool. Suddenly my sweet girl noticed that we were very near the Gluten Free bakery. "Do you want me to stop?"
We laughed and laughed at the terrible parking job that Sweet Girl did in front of the bakery. The last time we were there she parked badly so we debated if there was some sort of curse on the parking lot. She just said she wanted to get me real close to the door. Into the bakery we headed, I tried almost every sample that they offered. Sweet Girl, who can eat gluten all she wants, tried the samples with me. She advised against the pumpkin bread, praised the cookies and egged me on about the cupcakes. We chatted with the lady about Apple and how Sweet Girl loves Apple stuff.
Our next stop was the Race Trac to get drinks to go with our brownie. Sweet Girl charmed the guy behind the counter so much that he forgot to charge us for her apple juice. We giggled about that in the car as she pulled back into traffic.
As we passed into my old stomping grounds, I started pointing out places to my daughter. She smiled and said, "I know" so many times that I finally asked if she had heard this before. She grinned and said, "oh no Mom. I have never heard that you went to church there."
We got to my friend's party. We could hear sirens in the distance, but neither of us thought anything about that. As we walked into the house, a girl we didn't know asked if we'd parked in the driveway because she didn't want us to block the ambulance. Apparently, an earlier arrival had fallen down the stairs and was injured. Sweet Girl roamed the group with me. We chatted with my friends Dad about cats and dogs. We met a librarian from an alternative school. We talked to a mom and her daughter who was near Sweet Girl's age.  After the EMTs left, Sweet Girl patiently let me re-introduce her to my friend. While my friend opened her presents, my baby snuggled into a small chair with me.
Once we left, Sweet Girl seemed really quiet. I wasn't concerned, but I noticed it was different. As we drove around to look at places from my childhood, she started asking me questions. Not just easy questions, tough ones, questions that had complicated, controversial answers. For the entire hour plus ride, she asked me things and we talked about things that were deep and complex.
Home at last, she informed me she had a headache and was heading to bed. I was a little sad that our time together had come to this abrupt end. I decided to take a nap too. When I got to my bedroom, Sweet Girl was snuggling into my bed. As we napped, she reached over several times to touch my arm. After hubby arrived at home, we delivered the other daughter to her sleepover and went to pick up our dinner. As we sat in the car waiting for the our Chinese to be ready, Sweet Girl climbed into the front seat and snuggled with me. Hubby looked over and raised his eyebrows. This was not typical of my girl!
Our evening actually wrapped up as we watched "Sixteen Candles" together. After the day we had, it was a great way to end it. When I woke up this morning, I thought the highlight was going to be seeing an old friend. I am so thrilled with the actual highlight that I got instead.

And that's a wrap...

It's been a long crazy week. For years, I would hang with the kids from Monday until Friday afternoon and then have incredible weekend plans that were ready to start the moment dear hubby arrived home from work. I was always so frustrated that he didn't want to play with us from Friday afternoon until Sunday evening. I don't know why he didn't just tell me that working all day, each week, was exhausting and he just needed to lay around house for a couple of hours.
Okay, even if he had told me (and honestly, he probably did) I wouldn't have listened. I thought playing with the family was the most relaxing thing we could do.
Now, after five days in the classroom, working at least eight hours a day, I understand. I look forward to the most awesome plans I've ever come up with - NOTHING.  We sort of help the girls get their Friday chores done, deliver them to their evening destination and head out to dinner. Not a fancy dress up dinner, we prefer someplace dark and quiet that serves us quickly and has cold diet coke. Most weeks, we are back at the house by 10:00 where the real best part of my week happens.
My sweet hubby and I get to hang out together and watch brainless television. Sometimes, we drink coffee, sometimes we drink coke. Always, we enjoy the few hours that we get where we don't have to be anywhere or take care of anyone else.
It's a very well appreciated weekly wrap up that is all ours.

Don't mess with MINE!

A friend of the daughter had the nerve to suggest that "things" my girl does would make me stop loving her. What a damn idiot!

Teenagers do things that make their parents cringe. They make decisions that are less than stellar. My teenagers are pretty typical in those respects. I was a teenager once, we all were. My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles showed me that nothing my cousins, siblings and I could do would cause them to love us any less. Could we disappoint them? Oh yeah. Did we do some really stupid things? Yes. Did they always love us anyway? Absolutely!

I wrecked my mom's car. She wanted to know if I was okay. She asked that a lot. My dad told me I didn't need to drive anymore, while he hugged me tight.

Photos of my parents when they were young intrigued me. I would look at Mom and Dad's wedding pictures all the time. Mike and Jimmy, the cute brothers up the street, cut through my yard and I decided to go sneak a cigarette with them. I forgot that I'd been sitting on the patio looking at the wedding pictures until after it stopped raining two days later. Mom was mad. She was sad. She lectured me about the evils of tobacco and respecting other people's property. Then she made sure I knew she loved me. Later that summer, when I cried because Mike didn't like me, she told me he was a hoodlum. Even though I had been hanging out with him, she never said I was a hoodlum.

One time my cousin K and I came home from a party without her friend. Her friend lived in another state and was visiting with us. This was in the days before cell phones. We had a curfew, so we abandoned the girl with some boy we didn't know and went home just a little late. We smelled of cigarettes and beer, but we were home sober and safe. My uncle looked at us, called us dumb-asses and loaded us back into the car to go find crazy friend. We weren't grounded or anything - it was our annual visit and the adults just made sure we knew how dumb leaving a friend really was.

My girls are still in their early teens. They have lots of time to do really stupid stuff. I hope they don't. Maybe they will be smarter than their dad and I were. Whether they are or not, I will love them. I will be their mom and try to help them fix the problems they create or discover. Even after they aren't teenagers.

Dear teacher...

There are days that I really feel like I know what I'm doing. Some days, not so much! Today was one of those days where I was completely on the ball!

A parent had asked me what her child could do to improve their grade in my classes. I shared with her that Sweet Baby needs to complete the homework and classwork assignments and the grade would start coming up quickly.  Her response last week was to agree wholeheartedly and tell me that we wouldn't have any new missing work.  This morning, I was expecting Sweet Baby to show up for a help session. That didn't happen. Math class rolled around and Sweet Baby informed me that the homework was not finished because there were other activities last night, including homework in other classes and practice and social time with friends. As class ended, Sweet Baby turned in a page with a name and no work. The explanation for the incomplete classwork was that Sweet Baby didn't understand what we were doing. I reminded the child that they were supposed to come in for help, but didn't show, and then I included the reminder that I had been working with other confused people the entire class period and this one hadn't raised a hand ONCE. The bottom lip went out, but the child said nothing. Later, the child showed up for science without  the homework. The same excuse was given. The kid again didn't participate in my class activity, turned in a blank page and was surprised when I wrote a ZERO at the top of it. It's my policy to notify parents when kids don't do their homework. When I sent the message to this mother, I got a reply very quickly.

Believe it or not, it is my fault that Sweet Baby couldn't do their homework. I assigned 6 math problems and a diagram drawing for science. If completed, these assignments should have take less than 30 minutes.  (Really 15, but...) How is it my fault that the child couldn't complete these? Mom explained that I cannot expect a gifted student to do homework in more than one class per night! She also said that the student didn't show up for the help session because mornings aren't "good for them" so the student needs afternoon help sessions... but they are only available to do that on Tuesdays. She told me that her student should have straight A's and she would really appreciate it if I would make sure that happens.

After reading the message from Mom, I am sure that steam was coming out of my ears. I thought of a lot of wonderful, feisty responses, but I really do love my job. I talked to a couple of co-workers about their homework policies and their classwork policies. I walked away from my computer for a while. Finally, I was able to compose an incredible response to this mother. I quoted from the county website. I quoted some experts. Last, but not least, I quoted the syllabus that the mom had signed. It was an amazing response to really put this parent in her place. I read it a second time. Then I deleted it.

I love my job. I love my students. Their parents are frequently a pain in the neck. I deleted the message because it doesn't matter how well I state MY side of the situation. This mother is frustrated with her adolescent. She has to live with the kid. It is much easier to blame me, so I am going to just document what is going on with the kid and suck it up. In a few weeks, the other teachers and I will get together and decide if there needs to be a conference or a meeting. At that point, I might take on Mom, but for today, I was completely on track when I hit that "delete" button!